Today is:
Sunday, October 31, 2004 @
10/31/2004 09:25:00 PM
*5.25pm*hmm....hehe...yesterday was an advanced birthday party for xinmei..hehe...went to her house instead...it was damn fun yesterday..
enjoyed myself!haha..fun fun! hmm...wanfen planned to meet me at 1.30pm at our usual bus stop meeting place...so i had to rush
with my housework...in the end, she pushed the time to 2pm and then to 2.45pm bcos she couldn't make it on time...haha...good also
lor..so that i don't need to rush...hmm..i found a white shirt that i should be wearing
...oopss..going for dinner in suki sushi now le....wheee.....to be continued....
*8.07pm*Hey!!!Im back to blog again! wow..eaten such a sumptious meal...bloated now~hmm....let's get back to where i just stopped about
xinmei's birthday party....hmm...yesh...was preparing what to wear for some time...haha....well..went to meet wanfen at the bus stop
there? oh no..had to cross the road to the other side to pay for my nephew's tuition class fee for next year at Lam Soon CC...luckily
near wanfen's house...so i just run there and waited for her under her flat's void deck ....was half-walking and half-running..hehe..since
also had to meet shiling at the MRT station...in the end, shiling also late...much much later...so wanfen and me went to the Lot1 and
walked around for a while..we took neoprints in different posts..haha...so funny...but quite nice....after that we went to NTUC to
collect the sushi that we ordered....i think it's about $40...and shiling had taken the cake too...after that we took a cab to Limbang
park there since there was a heavy downpour...hmmm....how many ppl are there ah? let's see...Shiwen and xiaowei couldn't make it.... the rest are our vball juniors(sec4)...SiQi(she's playing in the youth
cup too, for kebang one?), sophia and xingyi... so..when we reached they had already eaten some fried chicken and french fries....
actually i'm not hungry at all..also forgotten what i have eaten b4 i left home? haha...well...just ate a bit of the chicken...we joked as we
ate...was quite fun....after that some of them played majong and some sang songs..hmm..we took out the songs by fann wong..my
fair princess songs...etc...i chose to sing lor...forgotten how to play majong..they taught me b4, but never try to play yet...haha...not
interested also..rather go and sing my huanzhugege songs...whahaha...I'm just familiar with them most....some more got 'bei' the lyrics
b4..haha...mad of this drama since pri 6!now not le la...hahaha....so, after singing the songs...have the urge of watching the drama
again!!!crazy me!hahaha..hmm...after that we ate sushi....wow...my sista so good ah..thoughtful ah..knew that i like to eat the green
seaweed type of sushi den order two esp. for me....haha....hmm..actually not really say loves to eat that la..just okie only bahx...haha
..well since they bought it, just eat lor...hehe...after eating sushi for a while le, den they took out the cake, sang the birthday song and
switch off the lights...wow....fantastic!hehe....the cake was nice, fruits one...haha....hmm...after that we played TRUTH or DARE....
but we played one was only DARE one...haizyo..i everytime very scared to play this thing leh...but no choice lor...it's fun actually...
we wrote down all the DARES stuffs on pieces of paper, the unlucky person was to do according to that 'DARE' stuff...haha....wah
...SiQi's ideas all so pervert one...crazy girl! haizyo...they all can even think of...hmm...'pervert' thingy la..like touch somebody's
busts, lick the lips, show the colour of ur panty, smell somebody foot, etc....so...ta~ta~..the games started and i got first!!!!shit ah...
had to kiss sophia..luckily no guys...otherwise will paiseh like wat...actually it was to lick..den i don't want..too much le la....arghh..
changed to peck! that's better...den i just did that..haha....they took photo of all of our silly acts...wah....dunno why i am so unlucky
lor...got it so many times...had to smell ppl's foot...but held my breath...whahaha....and got one of my own's ideas....it's to shout out
from the corridor of the flat to the neighbours...haha...so paiseh ah....i shouted..."hello everybody" then faster ran inside the house..
haha....stupid ideas...haha....and got one more of my own idea too....it's to get kick in the ass by somebody...haha....no choice lor...
there are so many stupids ideas we had...was so fun!!!hahaha...hmmm..after that we ate again!!!!pizaaa..........hahaha...some more not
hungry leh...have been eating non-stop...sistas are all like that de..haha...fond of eating...whatever occasions also eat eat de...hahaha
.......hmm...think i prefer pizza that my sis and myself make one...hahaha..more fillings....ordered one so thin...only looked nice in the
advertisements...hmm....after eating we went to buy drinks nearby....guess what they bought? Alcoholic drinks!hahaha...those low
percentage of alcohol one lor....all of them are 17 or 16 yrs old only..haizyo..under-aged ah...then had me to buy for them....haha...
they got drink b4 lah..i never but bought for them..haha....nvm la....i also got used to it le...cos my brother-in-law also always asked
me to help him to buy Tiger bear or ABC...haha...then have to bring IC along...none of them seems to believe i am already 18...haha
.....no choice have to show my card everytime..spoil my reputation ah..hahaha.....hmm...we still went back to play the DARE lor....
we took out the drinks to drink...actually i don't intend to drink lor....in the end, only tried the 'hooch'...haha....very nice!!!haha....they
bought small can Tiger beer, heinekein(dunno how to spell..haha), hooch...and 1 more wat dunno...luckily all not very strong one...
haha...hmmm..about 10pm like that den my sis called me and wanted me to faster go back home....cos Guli and Teru came....and i
also intended to leave about that time one lor..haha...after a while wanfen's mum called, and after a while again, shiling's mum called
again..haha.....mummy mummy ya..hahaha.....we dilly dally and played for a couple of minutes more, until it was 10.30pm..oh no!i'm
late!!!had to fly home!hahaha....we walked from xinmei's house to Ave 4 ah....it was quite along journey...walked home with wanfen,
shiling and xinyi....i walked the fastest..hehe...hurried to get home b4 getting a scolding...got ppl waiting for me...in the end reached
home at about 10.45pm ah...haha...my sis never say anything..yeah!saw Guli and Teru..haha...they must have been waiting for me...
hmm....think she misses me..hehe....wanna see me..so long never see her after she came back from Taiwan...she everytime misses the
chance of seeing me since i am not always at home...so glad to see her...after i bathed le, then we chit chat..haha...girls talk!hahaha....
talked to her is kinda xinku...since she's a taiwanese....had to always speak chinese with her....so i just speak slowly..mixed chinese
and eng...hehe...but almost adapt to it le lor...haha..can improve my chinese as well...haha...last night they stayed until so late.....bcos
Teru helped us to repair our com's mother board...so..repaired until about so late....i went to slp first lor..at about 3am like that...then
i think the stayed until 4am....den they went back home...oh no! Chucky(the dog) must be angry and hungry waiting for his dinner
.....hahaha..poor Chucky...hmm...wrote so much today....hahaha...okie...now my stomach's still bloated! have been eating so much recently...esp. this whole week...getting fat le....some more just went
to Suki sushi for dinner...yesterday also ate sushi le..now ate again! haizyoyo...can die ah....can feel my pants are so tight now! no
wonder Bk said i so fat now...haha...thought wanna go on a diet today...too bad..my sis tempted me to go and eat....the 4 of us went
Lot 1...haha...think we ate so many..esp. my nephews....about 30 plates including some colour plates...spent abt $70 plus...wahhhh...
just dinner sooo expensive! haha...actually it was my brother-in-law's ideas to let us go eat sushi as a family as he's currently
overseas...haha...hmm..think about it, this whole week i have always came back home at night...when the sky has gone dark!wow...what a busy week!
hmm...let's stop for now...hehe...wrote too much le...
// the peaceful night sky
KTV- peishan's bday~ 14th Aug 04 
// the peaceful night sky
wanfen + me
// the peaceful night sky
The bday gal is behind me~14th Aug 04
// the peaceful night sky
cuiyun + phloy
// the peaceful night sky
shiling + phloy
// the peaceful night sky
*************************************************************************************
How to noe whether u're in lurve?
*When you are together with that specialsomeone,you pretend to ignore that person.
*But when that special someone is not around, you might look around to find them. At that moment,you are in love.
*Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh, your eyes and attention might go only to that special someone. Then, you are in love.
* Although that special someone was supposed to have called you long back, to let you know of their safe arrival, your phone is quiet. You are desperately waiting for the call!At that moment, you are in love.
* If you are much more excited for one short e-mail from that special someone than other many long e-mails, you are in love.
*When you find yourself as one who cannot eraseall the messages in your answering machinebecause of one message from that special someone, you are in love.
*When you get a couple of free movie tickets, you would not hesitate to think of that specialsomeone. Then, you are in love.
*You keep telling yourself, "that special someone is just a friend", but you realize that you cannot avoid that person's special attraction. Atthat moment, you are in love.
*While you are reading this page, if someoneappears in your mind, then u are in love withthat person.
*************************************************************************************
// the peaceful night sky
- leave me alone.. i want some peace.. -
Today is:
Friday, October 29, 2004 @
10/29/2004 11:35:00 PM
LaoDa(me) 18th birthday!!! sistas rocks!!
// the peaceful night sky
Shiling & Si Qi's bday!!!
// the peaceful night sky
It's abt 4pm now....Lesson just ended not long ago....Oh yes!!wanna blog today!hehe...now just slacking in school...and waiting to go out with Eunice later...having dinner with her later...maybe at Orchard or Bugis? haha..meet her at 6pm.....Just wanna say something about last night...hmmm....the training was so sianz...i also donno why...i also felt so moody like that...don't know what happened to me also...mood swing bahx...haha...oh yah...yesterday during the training we had to jump the rubber bands! haiz! at first i was dread of it! scared of tired..hehe..but den don't know why became not so tired(chuan~)...after jumping for a few rounds still not very 'chuan' yet....*miracle* so funny one....maybe crazy...hahaha~ hmmm...another thing was, haizyoyo...BK came and talked to me ah....asking whether i was affected by the broke up with hc ah...alamak...he xiao kan wo le la...haha...honestly don't have mah...still doubt me until like that..somemore said that my expressions lied to him ah...as if he can see thru me ah...and also said that i will keep things to myself and don't want to say out...oh my gosh man!..that's was in the past!..now i dared to say what i feel k, BK!hahaha...yah....confused why he didn't believe what i said....it's an honest answer mah..unless i didn't see myself properly la..haha...hmm...well...i'm gonna play my best and perform well to prove it to him..haha...yeah!!will make his judgement wrong...hehe....hmm....after the training, like first time i went back home alone...hehe...sadddd case ah....took a slow walk and smsing my frens about the details of her birthday party this tomorrow's night...xinmei's birthday which is actually on the 4th of Nov la.....just having dinner at her house and not going out bcos her o level exams is around the corner....maybe they are going to order some food or her mum cook?haha...and oh yah....they made this unique plan that we are supposed to have colour codes for what we are supposed to be wearing on that day..haha..and i picked one randomly and got WHITE!haha....den have to wear white shirt..oh no!dun have so many white outfits...must search my closet le...hehe..
Continued....*10.30pm* whaha~~~went out with Eunice today....just came back not long ago?...we decided to go Bugis there to eat instead...Orchard area too crowded and noisy...wanna choose some place where we can sit and chit chat...then we went to a dining place called the 'Pastamania" alamak..izzit a place or a food man....tried that...and not bad la...some more was so ate until so full...haha...before left the school had eaten some left-over ice creams from Sports Club selling things thingy la...also forgot what is it called le..haha...hmm....We chat a lot, had a lot to catch up bcos she was also busy with her work...her final year project...well...guess she have somehow enlightened me again...hehe...more or less will think about it....hmm....it's great to have some one who understands your situations and comments on it..and she has helped me a lot many times...*thank you*hehe...basically, today's objective was just to go and catch up for the times we have lost constant contact for some period....since we were busy....finally had a nice chat with her...hmmm...alamak...she paid for my meals..haizyo...so costly den she helped me pay...*zhen de bu hao yi si* but after she said i treat her back next time la, den I feel better...she said that will give her an excuse to meet me again for another meal...she's so funny....haha....she's now seems lame..hehe...seems like a more happier girl....hehe...good to see her smiles and laugh...haha...perhaps there's some change in her too..hehe...think she can find her hope in her God...*God bless her..May she always find happiness and hope she ever wanted*
hmm....okie....let's talk about today's lesson..haha...quite fun today!hehe...know what? It's enterprise skills, and the topic is on virtual organization and i was norminated as the leader...and i was supposed to be away from the team members and can only discuss work with them thru msn or any other means but not face to face...so we contact thru msn....haha...it was fun but tough too...even have to communicate with the facilitator thru msn...haha...and oh, out of the 5 of us, i'm the only girl leader ah...so extra....went library with other team leaders since 9am. Had to finish GIT by 9.45am....and submit...after we distributed the work, i went down to the plaza at around 10.30am where Gary and Elaine were going to sell the ice creams, I waited there alone for so long..haizyo....finally they all come...then become so 're nao' after that..haha...i had lunch and do work at the same time...then xiao vincent also took his work to do too...we exchanged ideas...haha....since his class also doing the same module on the same day...we started 3rd meeting at 1pm...thay was my idea..haha...in the end i almost cannot finish editing ah....haha..but luckily we don't need to present today, we were given other task like writing what we feel about the virtual organisation that we tried ourselves today...hehe...
hmm hmm....tomorrow's xinmei birthday celebration....oh no...seems like my white shirt are all like either sleeveless or the exposed one....alamak..how to wear?? my skin colour contrast is still very 'erxin'...since the sentosa outing...tomorrow see how lor....hmm...will have to meet wanfen at the bus-stop at 1.30pm...going sooo early ah....think have to do housework quickly first before going off ah...don't know can wake up early or not..haha...oh yah...think i can do a fast one! haha...super woman!(my sis used to called me, crazy rite?)hahahaha~...
// the peaceful night sky
- leave me alone.. i want some peace.. -
Today is:
Thursday, October 28, 2004 @
10/28/2004 11:58:00 AM
tweety
// the peaceful night sky
Tweety tweety
// the peaceful night sky
pooh and friends
// the peaceful night sky
bear bear
// the peaceful night sky
*11.15pm* Wed
Today had gym session..hehe...was so sianz...only got me, xiaode, da jas, but she just guided us along as she didn't bring her attire
and some year ones...haiz...so few people... so tired today, only can carry 45kg the most for today....my shoulder very pain ah..'hao
suan'....too tired le.....the maximum i could carry was 50kg for now, but today cannot make it ah.....haizyo..very very heavy ah...
hmm...don't know why today seemed like a boring day....oh yah...i just realised something...haiz..hate hate myself ah! I just don't
know why i will kinda stutter and got tongue-tied, just like I'm a foreigner who just came over to Singapore like that....haha....esp.
when I'm unfamiliar with the new facilitators....haiz....presenting skills dropped..used to be smooth last time, now the new facilitators
give me fear again...haizyo...hate myself....gotta prove myself again!!! haiz!!! well...i gotta give it my best!!!haha..hopefully lor...wahhh!!! today came back home and got a surprised!hehe..guess what? yesterday Shiwen told me that her bf gave her a Tweety Bird
bedsheet, den she was damn happy lor...haha...and me today got a Tweety Bird bedsheet too!haha..guess from who?haha..not from
bf like shiwen la...it's my sis!haha...some more mine is pink one..den my nephews one also tweety bird but blue one....hahahhaha...
guys sleep in girly bedsheets...*giggling*...well...guess they don't mind since they are still young...haha..so qiao lor...by the way,
tweety bird is also my favourite cartoon character besides winnie the pooh and forever friends bear...hehe..hmm...nice nice....was so
excited to tell shiwen about the bedsheet thingy too..hehe...oh yah....Friday i'm going to have dinner with Eunice Lim...haha...so long nv meet her le...got lotsa catch up with her....hmm..well...
she's ready for the new me? hahaha....hmm...so tired rite now...tml still have vball training as usual...wanna sleep le...yeah!!hee...nitez nitez~~
// the peaceful night sky
- leave me alone.. i want some peace.. -
Today is:
Wednesday, October 27, 2004 @
10/27/2004 01:41:00 AM
Wow....it's 11.55pm now....(Tuesday) finally blog after I'm done with my stuffs...phewww~ reached home at about 11.15pm? haha
...so tired now...it's after vball training...tired tired....but still not bad la...cos yesterday I had so-called enough rest?...hehe....but as
soon as I'm done with some stuffs online then I will be going to sleep!hehe..oh yah..still need to write the attendence thingy before
sleep..oh no...I haven't eat yet...hehe...think later then eat? oops... bad...bad ah....eat and then sleep....sure tummy bloated....haha...
well...see how?Just went to 7-11 with shiwen, carol, wenjin and da xiong....buy some stuffs....hmm...just now ate mixed nuts in a
small packet..wanna buy the Bungles de..that one very nice! but the cashier told me to change to others since the price tag was not
labelled...haizyo..no choice....haha...alamak..sure fat ah! some more BK just now said that I got fatter le....arghhhh...well..i noe that!
haha...eats so much tidbits and stuffs lor...mouth always 'itchy'..hehe...so long le my weight still haven't go down...haha..then BK
said I cannot run ah..bcos fat!haha...some more he told shiwen to watch my diet ah..whaha!...and yet shiwen herself also eat and eat
just now...haha...making me tempted as well..hehe...well..nvm...i will control myself! hehe..oh yah...today Cuiting was talking abt she
has split personality and I think I do too...haha....it's no wonder I'm a different person to different people? and as well as in situation?
haha....think I have that too? haha...might be wrong? but just find this interesting..haha...oh..I'm finally got to save some money...hehe...firstly, my sis will be paying my hp bills for me....but that's only for the standard bill
la...if I exceed then I pay myself...yeah!!!happy happy!I can save up my own money!!haha...think my sis kelian me la...and oh yah...
think i'm planning to get a mouse for my laptop, think the cheapest I saw in Harvey Norman in West Mall is about $22...wanna get it
soon...then i can work faster and more convenient? haha....but is it a need or a want as for now? haha...seems like i planning what to
get recently...haha...thinking of buying some more T-shirts...bcos I don't have enough...usually will have to wear T-Shirts to school
one...since i have vball training twice a week and a gym session...then sometimes will go to the con10 there to play ball....haha...so
might as well wear T-shirts? haha...see how first....is it a need or a want again?haha...alamak! also wanna get a new pair of shoes..
actually this is not very important to me...but my sis keep nagging at me saying i only know how to buy 'rubbish', but things like
shoes don't want to buy..only wanna wear 'that' slippers...haha..well..will see how also...oh yah..a few days ago, i went to check my
eye sight after school in Teck Whye...then the Uncle said my eye sight increases a lot and furthermore, I now have 'san guang' ah....
so unexpected!!! and he guessed why my eye sight became worst..he knows i always lie down on the bed and read book..haha..that's
bad bad...and I know! but I very stubborn ah...haha...don't care what people say...thought wanna lie down for a while, in the end so
comfortable until lie there for a few hours..haha.....too bad..."it's more shuang" haha.....now my left eye sight increases from 400 to
525 degrees and right side from 300 to 250degrees..so weird and shocked....oh my gosh!!!I can go blind man....haizyo....well....next
time take care bahx....only know how to say this but did not do...
Haiz..talking about vball...think our gals team really like cannot make it...what to do....some of the major players are all gone....hmm..well...have to go thru it lor, can't run away....anyway...must be confident..yeah man!!! WE CAN DO IT!!!! Jia YOU galS....
Haiz..tml still have gym...oh....oh....
haha.... hmm....keep changing my blogskins and try to find a suitable one but in the end still find that the current one is still neater!haha...and I
like the black background because the colour contrasts with the fonts are nice..some more spent so much effort to write that codes
for the links and etc....haha..next time find one gooood one and not easily bored one den change...as for now...*searching in
progress*hehe....hmm...got to go sleep le..yipee!!!hehe..goodnight Bloggy~ Muacks!!
// the peaceful night sky
pooh and tigger
// the peaceful night sky
pooh bear bear
// the peaceful night sky
- leave me alone.. i want some peace.. -
Today is:
Tuesday, October 26, 2004 @
10/26/2004 04:13:00 PM
pooh bear
// the peaceful night sky
Oh...hehe...finally wanna update...so long haven't update...seems like a lot had happened
...hmm...yesh...the big news is that hc and I had broken up on the 24th of October in the
early early morning(12am plus?)haha...well...don't have to be surprised...cos it wasn't
meant to be a surprise too..it was expected and I had been mentally prepared for it...
that's why I rather let go now? His view is also the same? What is the use of holding on if
we know that it won't work out?...perhaps it just makes us becoming unhappier day by
day...why not might as well be good friends? Why should we continue if we are not
suited for each other? haha...perhaps it's fated bahx...we are not meant to be together..
Certain things we hold are in different perpectives...hmm....we were together for only 2
mths plus..and I had enjoyed the time we spent together even though we seldom go out
with each other...2 mths may or may not seem long...but i think it's alright bahx although i
really hope that any relationship I have will go as long as it can bring us along...as for
now...I am feeling fine...but just at the beginning feeling sad and the fear's always there...
but now i feel as though i 'xiang de kai' and can let go? haha...funny..i keep repeating "let
go" haha..hmm...some sort of like that bahx....well..i was already mentally prepared for it
...like he said...must be prepared in this kind of thing..and the impact won't be so great
...haha...now I'm still the mad phloy...i feel weird why i can easily overcome my mood..
haha...thought that I won't be able to get over with it....well...maybe my madness made
me overcome it...haha...
hmm..oh..last night i slept so early the 2nd time recently, I slept at 10pm....don't know
why felt so tired yesterday...had a good rest le..hehe...get prepared for today's training
again! hehe...i'm so into vball and i nv regret joining vball..haha...till now I never not once
dread coming for the training...i have been looking forward to it every training even
though after some trainings it was sian...I still look forward for another soon and hopes
to perform even better!hehe...like today, i'm looking forward to it again...but i think today
wil be a quite a different thing bcos the formation will be completely changed. Some of
our vball girls borned in the year 85 and below couldn't get to play for the Youth Cup..
alamak..sure BK tou tong again ah...don't know what can we do now...just have to see
how...haiz.... oh yah...yesterday intended to go and watch movie with classmates but in
the end they can make it only today, den today i have vball training so cannot lor...well...
so qiao was, hc was asking around who wanna go and watch movie yesterday, so i
decided to go lor..but in the end i also didn't go. Alamak..stupid stupid...went for the
sport clinic talk and 'that' speaker talked sooooo long...almost an hr plus ah...about 6.30
pm den ended..haizyo...mw, hc, daxiong.etc...they all went off first and bought the
tickets for the 7.30pm movie..think they were watching the 'Grudge'? haha...heard that it
was not really nice movie... Gary also don't feel like going le...den me? oh no..if he don't
want to go..den i go alone ah? weird la..so troublesome lor...go there alone ah..later i lost
how? haha...so just decided not to go lor...but went to have dinner at the Redhill market
with Shiwen...my sis asked me to buy roasted duck ah..so I thought of buying it after I
had eaten..but in the end, the stall closed already...oops..wasted!!...haha...hmm...what
did i ate ah? i ate duck rice!haha...and ate "Nata sago" wanna try a new dessert..hehe..not
bad not bad...haha..next time go there again will try a new one...wanna try all! ahah...
greedy me!hmm...reached home at abt 9pm like that....and my brother-in-law had gone to
Korea for work again...maybe he will be away for abt a week....hmm....felt relieved at
times abt that..hehe...oops...i so bad ah...glad he went away? no no....haha...just that
maybe i have more freedom? and can do what I want with more freedom...my sis is not
as strict as my brother-in-law lor...so that's why i can't go out late when he's at home...
otherwise my sis will not know how to 'jiao dai' to him...hehe...then i also don't want to
wei nan my sis...so just have to listen bahx...haha...hmm...will write again soon..still got a
lot to say...but publish first bahx..hehe...
// the peaceful night sky
- leave me alone.. i want some peace.. -
Today is:
Monday, October 25, 2004 @
10/25/2004 04:05:00 PM
hahaha...alamak...suddenly feel like publishing more pictures again..haha...let's see....hahaha....~~~
// the peaceful night sky
- leave me alone.. i want some peace.. -
Today is:
Friday, October 22, 2004 @
10/22/2004 11:25:00 PM
*12.12am*
Thursday's entry:
Today I decided not to go online, wanted to have a break from MSN. If not i just couldn't blog peacefully, meaning that I need some
deep thoughts without being disturbed...hehe...was so lazy to blog recently. Now I'm just relaxing, sitting on my bed and write...feels
so good right now...hehe~ just had my super late dinner, and now feels quite bloated. Just now hasn't really feel tired, now starts to
feel tired already..hehe....aiya...it's like that bahx...listening to songs again....haha...keep listening to the song "wo de cuo" by B.A.D
...it sounds to nice and sad...i went to search for its lyrics and found that the meaning was great!hehe..hmmm niceeee song!hehe...
now i am trying to sing and "bei" it...hehe...haizz....finally i chose to write today, wanted to write for so long, but lazy until find no time to do so....hehe....guess a lot have gone
thru my mind and think a lot some time back...a lot of doubts and uncertainties keep replaying in my mind...at times surge of fear just
came to me...sometimes just a lot of things which i would say i lazy to think about it that came to my mind. It was no wonder why
some time back, i was wondering what are the 'missing' things or expressions that i wanted to say in my msn nick. Perhaps now I
know....haha....hmmm...but things just happened too fast..or changed fast...now i also don't really know what i feel like...haha..but
cos it's positive to some extent..hehe...perhaps i put off some load in my mind...feels lots lighter and lighter as time goes by. Perhaps
I am willing to let go what i shouldn't have yearnt for. Perhaps I shouldn't force my feelings to believe in things that i shouldn't have
...I also realised something about myself as time goes by as happenings emerge out of nowhere, which may be a learning experience
for me, because of whatever I have encountered, my 'change' has somehow surfaced, and I realised that I am able to see it myself
too. I hope my judgements are right....Maybe i can say some changes that I believed I have discovered? hmm...I think i am not as
vulnerable as I used to be, to some extent? Able to forget and move on if proper ways of counselling are useful to me? I can listen
and see from experiences. I do learn from others as well...haha...hmm...well...i think that I am more than myself for the past few days
...think my madness has become worse...hehe....hmm...also think those madness made me forget many things. Let me ask myself, is
my madness my true self? hahahahhaha...den i can go woodbridge le la...haha...I also don't know why...suddenly life is like a new
start for me...haha..oh yah....suddenly realised 2 ppl have said i have become fiercer these few days...ke siao....haha..maybe? hehe..
hmm...that day, when i just came back to my sit and xiaoxin's leg was blocking my leg, den i kicked his leg lightly(or hard? hu noes?)
and i said "ni de jiao zhou kai la!" he almost cried! haha..no la, more of a shock..haha..basically he just said...i become fiercer these
few days...haha...now then i realised that too...haha...well...maybe i became more violent le....*scary*...haha...but of cos not sad...life
has been cheerful and crazy for me too..I do enjoy that at times...haha...Oh no! i must be mad again...hehe...really 'shenjingbing' is
back!!!haha....
// the peaceful night sky
- leave me alone.. i want some peace.. -
Today is:
Saturday, October 16, 2004 @
10/16/2004 09:27:00 PM
*8.49pm*
Thoughts for the day: SAD thing
So many things are on my mind recently.....Esp. things between me and hc...somehow things don't work out well on the inside...on the surface it may look deceiving....it may seem fine...everything may seem sweet and loving....but..but...somehow i'm just too sad blooding over what actually has been going on between us....can't our r/s work out? Why don't we have the beliefs? haiz...sometimes I just don't know what he's thinking.....I felt so like.... devastated of whatever has been said or happened....or whatever feelings i have inside me just make me feel so DOWN.....i may appear cheerful..but DEEP down..i'm just an emotional gal who yearns for ur understanding and love......don't wanna get hurt.... it's like r/s is so hard to predict...one moment you are so happy...one moment u feel sad. i just don't know how to get hold of myself and strive to make the r/s work better......so do him! he also like have no other options......then what can i do?....I just hope he would just voice everything out...........let me hear the whole episode....both sides of happy and sad....hmm...but i think he have said le....but somehow i dun think it's enough for me to be convinced of his feelings...i need to hear more...i need to see more.....Right now, it's like I don't know how to describe my feelings....I also don't know how to express it.....I'm so freaking tired of it.....=Will he give up on me?= or should say this relationship? I fear this.....the very moment now.....the very second now....why won't it work out well?= Should I let go? when i think u r ready to let go as well?....I don't want to hold too if you don't want.....Actually I don't like to hear the word "let go" ......I wanna hear you tell me that..." I love you, so I don't wanna let you go" I prefer to be held on instead of letting go to show that you love me.... I wanna believe in you....I wanna u to show me what ur love means.....for now....i fear you letting go of love....I heard of this sentence...='if you love someone, just let them go" = but can't seem to believe in it at times like this...I have some doubts in it....FOr my belief, It all DEPENDS......*sob sob*.....as i am writing all these, the song "Everytime" by Britney is being played into my ear....It has added to my expressions of feelings....sadder than usual.....I feel so sad right now.....but what can i do? Now.....i just have to wait and see his decision and wait to hear of his opinions.........sometimes i just dunno why he have been thinking this way when I didn't even think of.....I jus wanna understand and resolve it........at the same time, I'm also angry!!! piss off~ why are you like that? what makes you think this way? Everything!!!!Just as when I start to love you more as each day passes.....but you hurt me by telling me all these......Right now...my tone may seem furious...bcos i am writing this when I am utterly sad...thinking of all what has happened....and thinking of you....and i am writing more and more...things seemed to be flowing out of my mind....the sadness and hurt are going thru my bones......my hope seems to have utterly shattered....I wanna believe that u still love and care for me.....pls dun give up on me yet....let me show you that i love you..give me time......Sometimes I'm just too sad till i wanna vent my frustration on you, but i find it hard once i see you and think of ur sweetness....but when i thought of the pain...i vent my frustrations on ur flaws...i tried to find it..so that i will not think of you....but ur so-called flaws are never to make me hate you...i just don't know why....it just makes me think this way....no one is perfect.....I just love you for who u are..and the way you are.....i dun have such a high expectation to love you...I dun need to love someone so perfect...as long as my feelings are there....i am contented just to give my love to you...."love" is one meaning that I believe in when I start to love you. You have touched my heart..so be it.....I dun wanna think about it when I'm faced with this problem.....but it just came every moment i'm left with nothing to think of....even i'm thinking of something, the 'incidents' and the memories just emerge out of nowhere......i seemed to have left with no choice......so maybe do you?...so let ur decision bring me along bahx...i will respect it if i have to...or if i can........though it will hurt me...i really think that u might have enlightened me somehow by telling me the concepts of 'letting go'....but somehow i still don't wanna believe it's true.....all i believe was...."if you love someone, hold on first...don't let them go yet"....but...all these are expected....if we were to one day...****
I hope i won't blame you....but hope you understand how I feel..feel towards you...sadness and happiness.....I may be laughing around and joking around....that was when i wanna forget about the unhappiness.....i want my madness self to be back so that i can forget about it...but i just couldn't everytime.....sighh.....
now i guess i dun yearn for more.....i hope you will be happy wherever you are...
=Saying for the day=
Hmmm....life is a *thinking* process for me recently...finally i thought thru'...certain things are meant to just let go and move on...i finally see the point of it...the more i see and feel things, the more i understand it's events...the causes and effects of every single event that happened to us...consider every event, be it good or bad, has a meaning to it.. there's always ways to tackle it, but we can never really find the best solution to it...it takes time to find one yet not necessary the best solution...=Life is never a smooth journey.... What is fate? What is destiny? Can all these control your life? What is the beauty of nature? Let us all take a look at it....all of us may have different definitions to it ...and not all will understand...I DO believe in fate, but i also DO believe we can change fate...Why do some can accept it, why do some cannot accept it? Some accept it after some time........like me? perhaps? haha....I believe in positive thinking...but it's easier said than done...Just look at the bright side? Oh my gosh...!!! where on earth is the cheerful soul that people used to notice? It was gone at the moment, but it might come back after some time....hahaha...and I believe in positive thinking, so I think that the soul will come back!
=hmm.....i just can't believe i am writing loads of "chiminology" here....have i enlightened myself? Why do I think this way? Am i forcing myself to accept it when i am not ready? Or is my positive thinking making me to follow this path? But the thing is, can I do it? Is my pretence actually plays a part in helping me to accept this fact? =( haizz....
// the peaceful night sky
- leave me alone.. i want some peace.. -
Today is:
Thursday, October 14, 2004 @
10/14/2004 11:38:00 AM
I came across this horoscope today..haha..find it quite true....
***Be grateful for what you get. The universe answered your need at random, but it's unlikely to happen again before tomorrow. Anything you try to build on this so-called success will be the shakiest of structures.***
// the peaceful night sky
- leave me alone.. i want some peace.. -
Today is:
Wednesday, October 13, 2004 @
10/13/2004 06:49:00 PM
Stare~Look~dream~freedom~
// the peaceful night sky
4va fren bear
// the peaceful night sky
=3rd day of School= Feeling wierd=
*3.43pm*
It's the 3rd day of school today...Monday was so sianz...yesterday was a much better day as it's Engineering Science 2...the new facilitator is quite fun as he jokes a lot and lame a lot..haha...funny...no wonder Jia An said that we took their favourite facilitator... haha...so the day went quite well, plus with his teaching, his instruction was quite clear, so...the ppt also went well....gave a lot of encouragements to us..
=TOday= Weird Feeling= Relationship stuffs= sadded=
Haiz..as for today...it's a young and somehow an inexperience facilitator teaching us Engineering Design. He seems shy and blur like that..aiya..talk to us also never really look into our eyes...then we jokes, he was like...*diao*.....? hmm...blur...so stiff...will laugh at times only
...and so fake!! haha...but quite cute though..cute looking bahx..hehe....perhaps i had a crush on him? hehe~ rubbish la....hmmm..the lesson ended at around 2pm today because there was nothing much for us to do...3rd meeting starts at 1pm.... haha...
Now just slacking in con10 while waiting for hc's reply thru msn...he was busy today bcos the Eng Maths was hard...need to pay attention....haha...so just wanna ask him whether he will accompany me home or going to stay in con10 and slack with his friends?.....so ....just wait here and see how? just gotta ask him first....furthermore, my lesson ended so early and the gym session was cancelled bcos many of us not going....i don't feel like going home so early also...cos wanna wait for him.....
haiz~can somebody pls tell me what am I thinking of? why do i feel so sianz and restless recently? izzit like last time again? bcos of the school term starts? Last semester, i lost 2kg with a week or two because i was feeling tired and stress with the new environment...no appetite at all for the whole week until the 2nd week...and slowly my appetite got better...but right now..like im facing the same thing...but why? or not bcos of that? now i'm already was prepared for the semester and not that i changed class? but i am still in the same class..then why do i have this feeling...?
I think I know why le....bcos of relationship problem bahx..haiz.....i also dunno how to say...things just went off the way it was supposed to be....things went away from the expected....I also dunno what am I thinking....I feel kinda down recently.....r/s problem is one of the hardest thing on earth to tackle bahx.....as for me, i thought i will be able to overcome it with my 'natural' way of thinking.... but i guess i was wrong...felt so vulnerable in solving this kind of things.....and somehow, things just weren't the way i thought it was...it has more indepts in this kinda thing....duno what to do right now....kinda =lost=....things seems to be getting worse when i expected it to get better...Kinda stress over it......somebody help! I don't know what to do........ now i know something about r/s......out of the box....out of where i thought i knew.....out of expectation.....
hmm....so far we *two are just only 2 mths and things went well...? hmmm...hard to say bahx...we never quarrel or what lor....just that things that need to be emerge from love =weren't there=.....monotone r/s? No progress? Boring r/s? Won't work out?.....there's a lot of reasons why...but we just can't list them all down...cos we are also really unsure of it....bcos of this? or that? what is the hanging factor??? somehow.....or some way or another....maybe i just need to be more of myself...my true lively self...and show my courage of doing things or saying things like how i talked with my friends...sometimes i just feel that our relationship is too unnatural..like there's no bonding....like there's restrictions in everything....like there's barrier...like there's some shyness within.....(after so long).....i want it to be natural and be like other couples who are so natural and dun feel shy and can be extremely comfortable to each other...maybe it's my problem more lor, haiz... nvm....see how...i'm so tired...
**tick tock tick tock*** waiting and waiting for him~
now he has confirmed partly with me le...saying he might go to his grandma house.....
***tick tock tick tock***
and now he confirmed le...he going to his grandma's house..... well...I feel kinda sadded......but it's okie...cos recently he also seldom go home with me...so i just feel like wanting him to accompany me home...hoping to spend more time with him...after so much has happened between us.....just wanna some time to talk with him.... it might probably resolve some problem...but after he came into the con10....his expressions also seemed like so sad like that...I also dunno how to give him a smile that will brighten up his face (after so much has happened).....I wanna see him smile instead of making me feel as though he no longer know how to smile le....the once cheerful smile seems to be vanish.....the real and sincere smile seemed to be gone at the moment....EvEN mine.....when i see you happy...i will feel happy for you too....but i dun see you happy at all....you may be smiling with ur frens at times, but deep inside you, i just feel ur unhappiness or perhaps the emptiness within you, from my angle whenever i looked at you......i just feel it somehow...
*will our r/s work? will it work beta? will it improve? how to improve then? how to see you smile once more? I think I start to miss ur once sunshine smilEz......I start to miss your sweetness whenever i can't find ur sweetness now ...I just miss 'em all.....but where could i find 'em back for you? Somehow i just feel insecure...like no assurance like that...suddenly i just feel out of place...feel so DOWN....out of place!!! sighhhhhh...i just wanna have a deeeeeep sighhhh......dunno how to feel....
***I need time....I need love...I need freedom...I need life.....I need support....I need care....I need meaning....I need facts....I need to be myself....I need expressions...I need emotions...I need assurance..etc..***
Thoughts for the day:
I fear....(shenjingbing) no assurance in anything...
// the peaceful night sky
- leave me alone.. i want some peace.. -
Today is:
Tuesday, October 12, 2004 @
10/12/2004 02:48:00 PM
Last Day of Semester One : TS0407
// the peaceful night sky
- leave me alone.. i want some peace.. -
Today is:
Sunday, October 10, 2004 @
10/10/2004 06:12:00 PM
Alamak!!!now i realised that i keep posting photos here...but also brightens up the blog..haha....crazy about graphics again...some time back ago, didn't post much... den all so wordy~~~now nicer hor?
// the peaceful night sky
hmm...going back to sch tml and at the same environment....hahahaha~~~
// the peaceful night sky
In class TS0407A.
// the peaceful night sky
think i gonna be lazy like a pig le...haizz....keep delaying things de...
// the peaceful night sky
piggy piggy....
// the peaceful night sky
*4.56pm*Just finished my busy day....woke up at about 9.30am, then faster do housework in order
catch the 11am drama...haha..i made breakfast for my nephews
today...i mean for the 3 of us...i fried eggs and bacon...ate with bread...now i feared
standing near the stove while frying things bcos of my past experience...dealing with the
oil burnt on my wrist...haiz....but no choice bahx....then i was left with the last 15 mins to
wash the sch shoes b4 my show starts, so i washed sch shoes within 15mins....haha...then
faster went to watch the show...hehe...it was very nice....most of the time sitting in the
front of the tv and didn't multi-tasking....too engrossed le..haha...hmm..it was the final
episode today, and i didn't know that..haha..luckily i watched it..otherwise wasted ah....
haha...it was niceee~~yeah!!!hehe...hmm...after that, i went to do ironing for a few hrs, cos really lots of clothes to iron....
finally bathe le and sit on my bed to blog offline...hehe...blog offline is much better i think
...can think better...hehe....but now sit until my butt pain!hehe....hmm...gtg to go publish
soon...oh yah..too bad i can't go out with hc and meiwei they all today, as i am stuck with the
busy stuffs today....my fault la...keep accummulating my work till now....hahaha.....later
still have to go and wash car? now the sun is still blazing hot...haiz...oh!!!
final episode today!!! hehe....
*12.41am* It's actually Sat's entry...hmmm....today woke up at around 10am...quickly do my usual housework stuffs, like
cleaning up the messes on the tables, cleaning up the rooms, kitchen and wiped the floor
with 'Magic' wiper. After that i washed my vball shoes, knee pad and ZhongRen's sch
bag. After that i also wanted to wash my nephew's sch shoes as i have told my sis that i
would do that...hahaha...she said something like..it's a miracle that i did that out of my
own accord...haha...usually my sis would wash my nephews' shoes...actually i dread
washing shoes...esp. the stubborn stains...it's making me frustrated...usually i would
clench my teeth like angry while scrubbing...sometimes i just wonder is it bcos of this
that's why my jaws are getting bigger and wider..hahahaha..so funny....also don't know la
...sometimes it's so easy to wash them....haiz! nvm abt it... hmmm...after that i thought
about ironing later lor...well...what my goal for today was like this : >>cleaning up as usual>>wash vball shoes and knee pad, sch bag >>wash nephews shoes>>wash car for my brother-in-law>>ironing in the evening b4 " Yitiantulongji" startshahaha...in the end , only accompished the 1st two points....anyway a little satisfied only..
hehe...so for wash shoes, wash car and ironing will do on sunday...haha...so have to make
myself busy on sunday again...haha..hmm..actually my brother-in-law asked me for a week
le..to wash his car if i'm free...then i said okie le...so b4 he come back from overseas,
better get my work done lor...later don't know how to jiao dai ah..haha...lotsa ironing to
do as i accumulated the clothes for several days le...lazy pig ah me~ haha...hmm...let's
take a look at me..kelian maid...haha...well...told u le my bloggy, holidays for me is like
that de...mostly told u abt my daily chores, won't you get bored of it? haha...bear with me
for the last two days la...bcos monday sch reopen le...hopefully my shares of chores are
back to normal again... so after sch reopens, i will just have to do kitchen cleaning if im
home early, folding clothes and ironing....so considered not a lot le...bcos folding clothes i
may accumulate too...and ironing only do on sunday...hehe...but still quite tired to do all
these...hmm...let's not talk about housework....oh yah.. has come to quite an exciting part...tml will be the final episode
...nice nice~hehe..anyway i had watched the final one as i borrowed my friend's vcd...only
the last cd la...haha...oh..recently there seems to be quite a few new shows coming up
soon...like , the new drama after which i have
been watching every sunday.......hmmm! niceeee~~haha... the upcoming drama seems nice
to me too as i like that kind of princess stories shows...haha....Okiee...stop here for now..hehe.....
// the peaceful night sky
- leave me alone.. i want some peace.. -
Today is:
Thursday, October 07, 2004 @
10/07/2004 02:55:00 PM
hc&me~
// the peaceful night sky
Hiding~~behind the scene~
// the peaceful night sky
Acting~
// the peaceful night sky
ME~~monkey!!
// the peaceful night sky
meiwei-jas-phloy-meifong-xiao de jas
// the peaceful night sky
meifong-jas-meiwei-phloy
// the peaceful night sky
jasmine see*meiwei*phloy
// the peaceful night sky
- leave me alone.. i want some peace.. -
