dat night was like dat peaceful//

Today is:

Saturday, October 16, 2004 @ 10/16/2004 09:27:00 PM

*8.49pm* Thoughts for the day: SAD thing So many things are on my mind recently.....Esp. things between me and hc...somehow things don't work out well on the inside...on the surface it may look deceiving....it may seem fine...everything may seem sweet and loving....but..but...somehow i'm just too sad blooding over what actually has been going on between us....can't our r/s work out? Why don't we have the beliefs? haiz...sometimes I just don't know what he's thinking.....I felt so like.... devastated of whatever has been said or happened....or whatever feelings i have inside me just make me feel so DOWN.....i may appear cheerful..but DEEP down..i'm just an emotional gal who yearns for ur understanding and love......don't wanna get hurt.... it's like r/s is so hard to predict...one moment you are so happy...one moment u feel sad. i just don't know how to get hold of myself and strive to make the r/s work better......so do him! he also like have no other options......then what can i do?....I just hope he would just voice everything out...........let me hear the whole episode....both sides of happy and sad....hmm...but i think he have said le....but somehow i dun think it's enough for me to be convinced of his feelings...i need to hear more...i need to see more.....Right now, it's like I don't know how to describe my feelings....I also don't know how to express it.....I'm so freaking tired of it.....=Will he give up on me?= or should say this relationship? I fear this.....the very moment now.....the very second now....why won't it work out well?= Should I let go? when i think u r ready to let go as well?....I don't want to hold too if you don't want.....Actually I don't like to hear the word "let go" ......I wanna hear you tell me that..." I love you, so I don't wanna let you go" I prefer to be held on instead of letting go to show that you love me.... I wanna believe in you....I wanna u to show me what ur love means.....for now....i fear you letting go of love....I heard of this sentence...='if you love someone, just let them go" = but can't seem to believe in it at times like this...I have some doubts in it....FOr my belief, It all DEPENDS......*sob sob*.....as i am writing all these, the song "Everytime" by Britney is being played into my ear....It has added to my expressions of feelings....sadder than usual.....I feel so sad right now.....but what can i do? Now.....i just have to wait and see his decision and wait to hear of his opinions.........sometimes i just dunno why he have been thinking this way when I didn't even think of.....I jus wanna understand and resolve it........at the same time, I'm also angry!!! piss off~ why are you like that? what makes you think this way? Everything!!!!Just as when I start to love you more as each day passes.....but you hurt me by telling me all these......Right now...my tone may seem furious...bcos i am writing this when I am utterly sad...thinking of all what has happened....and thinking of you....and i am writing more and more...things seemed to be flowing out of my mind....the sadness and hurt are going thru my bones......my hope seems to have utterly shattered....I wanna believe that u still love and care for me.....pls dun give up on me yet....let me show you that i love you..give me time......Sometimes I'm just too sad till i wanna vent my frustration on you, but i find it hard once i see you and think of ur sweetness....but when i thought of the pain...i vent my frustrations on ur flaws...i tried to find it..so that i will not think of you....but ur so-called flaws are never to make me hate you...i just don't know why....it just makes me think this way....no one is perfect.....I just love you for who u are..and the way you are.....i dun have such a high expectation to love you...I dun need to love someone so perfect...as long as my feelings are there....i am contented just to give my love to you...."love" is one meaning that I believe in when I start to love you. You have touched my heart..so be it.....I dun wanna think about it when I'm faced with this problem.....but it just came every moment i'm left with nothing to think of....even i'm thinking of something, the 'incidents' and the memories just emerge out of nowhere......i seemed to have left with no choice......so maybe do you?...so let ur decision bring me along bahx...i will respect it if i have to...or if i can........though it will hurt me...i really think that u might have enlightened me somehow by telling me the concepts of 'letting go'....but somehow i still don't wanna believe it's true.....all i believe was...."if you love someone, hold on first...don't let them go yet"....but...all these are expected....if we were to one day...**** I hope i won't blame you....but hope you understand how I feel..feel towards you...sadness and happiness.....I may be laughing around and joking around....that was when i wanna forget about the unhappiness.....i want my madness self to be back so that i can forget about it...but i just couldn't everytime.....sighh..... now i guess i dun yearn for more.....i hope you will be happy wherever you are... =Saying for the day= Hmmm....life is a *thinking* process for me recently...finally i thought thru'...certain things are meant to just let go and move on...i finally see the point of it...the more i see and feel things, the more i understand it's events...the causes and effects of every single event that happened to us...consider every event, be it good or bad, has a meaning to it.. there's always ways to tackle it, but we can never really find the best solution to it...it takes time to find one yet not necessary the best solution...=Life is never a smooth journey.... What is fate? What is destiny? Can all these control your life? What is the beauty of nature? Let us all take a look at it....all of us may have different definitions to it ...and not all will understand...I DO believe in fate, but i also DO believe we can change fate...Why do some can accept it, why do some cannot accept it? Some accept it after some time........like me? perhaps? haha....I believe in positive thinking...but it's easier said than done...Just look at the bright side? Oh my gosh...!!! where on earth is the cheerful soul that people used to notice? It was gone at the moment, but it might come back after some time....hahaha...and I believe in positive thinking, so I think that the soul will come back! =hmm.....i just can't believe i am writing loads of "chiminology" here....have i enlightened myself? Why do I think this way? Am i forcing myself to accept it when i am not ready? Or is my positive thinking making me to follow this path? But the thing is, can I do it? Is my pretence actually plays a part in helping me to accept this fact? =( haizz....

// the peaceful night sky

- leave me alone.. i want some peace.. -

dat life X

*^*p h l o y

Republic Polytechnic
25`02`86
phloy_phan@hotmail.com
in my pisces world
i love volleyball
__PHLOY'S XANGA BLOG__

dat wish X

*staying happy-go-lucky
*freedom
*get into a Uni
*PR
*good paying job
*a new hair-do/image
*changes of contents in my wardrobe
*new sets of shoes/cosmetics
*perfumes
*skin care products
*being a teacher/engineering assist/SUCCESSFUL career woman
*independence
*CAR LISENSE

dat dates X

~~`25 `02 `1986~~
`

dat exits X

dat chats X

_____m e mo r i e s*
x June 2004
x July 2004
x August 2004
x September 2004
x October 2004
x November 2004
x December 2004
x January 2005
x February 2005
x March 2005
x April 2005
x May 2005
x June 2005
x July 2005
x August 2005
x November 2005
x December 2005
x January 2006
x September 2006
x October 2006
x November 2006
x May 2007
x July 2007

dat HUGS X

You are Sneakers!

You're an active girl, who's all about function You dress for the occasion - comfort comes first Your perfect guy? Someone who can keep up with you. You'll find him - but you might have to slow down to see him!

What Kind Of Women's Shoe Are You?

FEBRUARY attitude!

FEBRUARY

Abstract thoughts
Loves reality and abstract
Intelligent and clever
Changing personality
Temperamental
Quiet, shy and humble
Low self esteem
Honest and loyal
Determined to reach goals
Loves freedom
Rebellious when restricted
Loves aggressiveness
Too sensitive and easily hurt
Showing anger easily
Dislike unnecessary things
Loves making friends but rarely shows it
Daring and stubborn
Ambitious
Realizing dreams and hopes
Sharp
Loves entertainment and leisure
Romantic on the inside not outside
Superstitious and ludicrous
Spendthrift
Learns to show emotions

Phanthipha, your true color is Green!

You're green, the color of growth and vigor. Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth color in the spectrum — reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your color!

Phanthipha, your passion is Bashful Blush!

Yours is a passion driven from the inside — not the outside. Some may misinterpret that to mean you're more timid than others when it comes to love, school, and life in general. But really, we suspect it's just that you focus more on driving toward your goals than announcing them to the world. While some people have to stand at a podium to stake their territorial claims — on guys, teams, or the honor roll — you're more likely to take a less direct route. (After all, it's easier to make your point when you're not caught like a deer in the spotlight.) A level-headed discussion with someone close to your issue, if not the person directly, is more your style — whether feeling out if your crush is already taken or asking your parents for a much-deserved raise in allowance. Your careful approach usually pans out better than creating a dramatic scene before a gawking audience. Sure, you go after what you want in life. But your style has never been to grab the bull by the horns. The patience you've cultivated has no doubt helped you become who you are today — a devoted friend, daughter, girlfriend, or student. So keep at it — picking your private battles. Then stand back to watch your bashful blush work its passionate magic!

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?

Phanthipha, you're a Steady Supporter Stand by your man — that's just something you naturally do. Once you've committed to a relationship, you are a constant companion who enjoys the comfort and stability that comes from being a couple. Not quick to judge, accuse, or think the worst, you have a lot of trust (in him and in yourself), and you rarely worry about where he is or who he's with. For you, mutual respect is of utmost importance. You are comfortable and confident in your own skin, making you a great pillar of strength in all your relationships. Whether he's striving to climb a mountain or land a promotion, you have his back. Best part is, you know he's got yours too.

Career Interest Inventory

Phanthipha, based on your responses, your top career area is Education and Training
Careers in this field often demand that you have an idealistic mindset. Whether it's teaching new information, skills, or behavior, you need to have a zeal for interacting with others and being in charge. Most likely it's important for you to know that your patience and communication skills can have a lasting impact on the lives of others.

What Does Your Style Says About You?

Phanthipha, your style says you're Sporty and Fun No matter which team you get a kick out of the most — soccer, softball, track, basketball, or cheerleading — you've got a love for games and staying active. Clothes and fashion are important to you, but for a team player like you, it's about more than just looks. You want to be comfortable and prepared for anything that might come your way. Whether you're more of an athlete or a fan, you like what sports can do for people — overcome challenges, learn something new, push themselves. Your cool style says that you're always up for a new game. And that'll always score you points!

Which Emoticon Are You?

Phanthipha, the emoticon that represents you best is the Smiling Face What's up, smiley? Somehow you just always seem to find a way to turn that frown upside down. Your upbeat attitude and friendly demeanor brighten up any room, including your favorite chat room. Like your classic emoticon counterpart, you're a staple on anyone's list. Boring days and sleepless nights are far more bearable when you're online to chat. Whether you're shooting the breeze, catching up, or giving out advice, you can cheer up anyone on the other side of the conversation. So keep lightening the mood, making new friends, and bringing smiles to other folks' faces. After all, it's just so natural for you!

What Kind of Cool Are You?

Phanthipha, you're Calm, Cool, and Collected Do your friends like to lean on your shoulder? Ask you for advice in life and love? Put you on speed-dial for emergencies? We bet they do. You're as balanced as they come. When it comes to making decisions, you're not afraid to take the time to weigh your options carefully in order to make the right choice. And it takes more than a few obstacles to rattle your cool head. The good news is that you've also got lots of heart, and you make sure that people know that you always have their backs. There's almost nothing more important to you than the people in your life, so being a support to them is the coolest thing around. Just like you.

Heart-Strong Idealist

Phanthipha, you follow your heart when it comes to success You're an impassioned individual who just can't suppress your ideals. You've got a strong sense of right and wrong, and want to let people know when they've crossed the line. Sure, there are times when you sit back to hear both sides of an argument. But people had better stay out of the way when your fiery passions take hold. But just because you can be a bit of a rebel with a cause, it doesn't mean you're incapable of being understanding and compassionate. It's because you're so invested in your ideas and interests that you can work so tirelessly toward your goals and speak up for what you believe in. So keep pouring your heart into it. With conviction like yours, you're sure to succeed!

What Breed of Dog are You?

Phanthipha, you're a Chihuahua! No bones about it, you're an energetic, devoted Chihuahua. For your breed, size definitely doesn't matter. After all, sometimes the best things (diamonds, car keys, Godiva truffles) come in small packages. Honest and straightforward, you're never afraid to speak up for what you believe in, especially if it's a cause near and dear to your heart. Having such a passionate personality can come with a few drawbacks, though. You can be moody at times, and people often find it hard to live up to your high standards. But once you make a friend, it's for life. Saucy and intense, your energy and unfailing loyalty make you a great companion. Woof!

Are You a Natural Leader?

Congratulations, you're a real leader! Your leadership skills are quite strong, so don't be afraid to step up to the plate when problems need solving — you'll do great. You've got a solid combination of positive leadership traits — from organizational skills to communication ability. These talents make you a great resource in the workplace, someone people can look to for guidance and direction. Still, there are a few things you might need to work on. To brush up on the different components of leadership, check out your scores below:

You Gender Identity

Phanthipha, you're 59% masculine
This is based on how you scored on a variety of traits that, founded on classic research and our own studies, are typically associated with men. You're also 41% feminine, which is based on how you scored on traits that are typically associated with women. When we compare your results with other women it shows that you are somewhat more masculine than other women. But what is gender identity exactly? A person's gender identity is defined by the extent to which they see themselves as masculine or feminine. Every person possesses both masculine and feminine qualities to some degree, however the extent to which each person has these qualities differs widely. While you were taking the test, we calculated your scores in 6 areas typically defined as masculine and 6 areas typically defined as feminine.

Who's the man of your dreams?

Phanthipha, The Boy Next Door is the man of your dreams The guy next door can be a lot more than the kid who played a great game of tag and buried you in snowballs. He can be the man of your dreams. A laidback and fun girl like you doesn't need a glass slipper or fancy jewels — you just want a guy who knows how to have a good time and has a handle on what's important. You're the kind of girl who wants to marry her best friend, so you might not have to look far for the perfect guy for you. Whoever said you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince wasn't talking about you. Tag — you're it!

Class IQ test

Congratulations, Phanthipha!
Your IQ score is 129
This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others. Your Intellectual Type is Visual Mathematician. This means you are gifted at spotting patterns — both in pictures and in numbers. These talents combined with your overall high intelligence make you good at understanding the big picture, which is why people trust your instincts and turn to you for direction — especially in the workplace. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.

What hairstyle matches you?

Phanthipha, your hairstyle should be Flirty From cute curls to a fun flip, your hairstyle should show off the fact that you know how to strike the perfect balance between sassy and sweet. With your charisma and outgoing personality, you're sure to light up any room. From parties to workdays to lazy Sundays, your style always radiates your fun-loving charm. With your natural knack for wooing and your willingness to go out on a limb for what you want, it's no surprise that your style is sure to shine. So whether your hairstyle is lusciously long or coifed into the perfect pixie, we bet you turn heads wherever you go. Way to wow them!

What gets you whipped?

Phanthipha, you're whipped because he's Sweet Nice guys finish last? Not a chance if they meet a sweetie like you. There's not a thing in the world you wouldn't do for loved ones, and you wanna make sure you find a guy who's got his priorities straight too. Whether he's a bull-rider or a businessman, he'd better have a big heart. When you fall, you fall hard. And it's the little things that matter like when he opens the door for you, cooks you dinner, or leaves sweet notes in your pocket. Brains and brawn are fine and dandy, but he won't win your heart if he isn't in touch with his sensitive side. Awwww, how sweet!

What Type Are You?

You are a Hopeless romantic
Do you swoon when a guy recites poetry to you? Go ga-ga over a bouquet of hand-picked wildflowers? Then there's no doubt about it — you're a textbook Hopeless Romantic. Chances are you love soft music, candlelight, and long walks on the beach at sunset. Crying at sappy movies (your favorite kind) is a given — a box of tissues is a must — and you've have had your wedding planned since grade school. You're looking for a deep relationship — a soulmate. Traditional and sympathetic, guys love that they can open up to you and talk to you about their feelings, their past, and their hopes for the future. How can a suitor win your heart? By romancing you. Sending you flowers, surprising you with a picnic lunch, or going for a horse-drawn carriage ride. Before you know it, you'll be creating a life-long love story.

Pisces Personality

Like its symbol of two fish swimming in opposite directions, Pisceans are always torn between choices whether to seek the light or sink into the darkness. Being well liked for their kind and sympathetic nature, their charm of manner and carefree nature will impress many. You are compassionate, and unless pushed to the wall, will rarely hurt anyone. A Piscean can be very caustic but the sarcasm is not always direct and generally goes unnoticed. However, this can land you in a spot every once in a while. You find it difficult to conform and follow rules or to cope with discipline. When the going gets really rough, the Piscean may try to flee down river and hide amongst the vast schools of fish swimming lazily around. The very weak-willed among you are likely to indulge in alcohol and drugs to escape. Alternatively, you might be able to pour out your emotions in creative arts. You put your emotions in poetry or short verse but seldom open up to those around you on a personal basis. Although you might be impractical and somewhat uneasy with the real world, you are brave and prefer a lot of independence. Pisceans like to delve in spiritual matters and lots of you are fascinated by the occult. Maybe because many fish are psychic or their dreams can be strange and portential. Remember one thing: you are the culmination of all that has gone before, whilst Aries is the birth of the zodiac, Pisces the twelfth sign is death and eternity, you are the distillation of all the other signs.

Pisces Lover

In the world of romance, you crave fairytales, being more in love with the idea of love than being in love itself. Though you are strongly attracted to good looks, your attention will completely fizzle out if your partner is not intelligent; you may just simply lose interest once you have been able to "secure" the object of your desire. For some, the pursuit is sometimes more fun than the end result. Those born under Scorpio, Cancer, and Pisces make ideal partners for Pisces. Pisceans can be unnecessarily suspicious and jealous, and this might cause a lot of heartache. Although you will expect a perfect marriage, your unpredictable moods will be the reason for some tension at times. The most important ingredient you bring to a relationship is love. You are gentle, sensitive, and a romantic through and through, valuing fidelity in a marriage and will be kind and affectionate to your spouse and children. Though you let your partner take on a dominant role in public, you like to rule at home. As you long for love, it is essential that you establish a loving relationship with your family.

Pisces Professional

Pisceans will do well in performing arts, especially the theatre. In science, Pisceans tend to work in the fields of either physics or medicine. They will also do well in ocean-based occupations or working with animals. Pisceans normally have talents that will get them money and fame. The streak of independence in you rarely allows you to be dependent on others. You will be ready to help the needy, having no consideration for a rainy day, even if you are not sure that it will be returned. You hate to chase money owed, hoping that it will be returned voluntarily. You are often distracted when bored, which tends to affect your work adversely. You need to be focused and inspired to give your best.

Pisces Traveller

You love water and would head straight for some beach resort. Perhaps scuba diving and water skiing on holiday is your dream holiday; though splashing around on the beach is your idea of fun too. You are generally very emotional and romantic so would love to holiday with your partner.

Pisces Well Being

Pisces people have slow metabolisms, which is why they wake up sleepy eyed and listless, poor eating habits can bring troubles so try to set regimes and stick to them, Pisceans lungs are not strong, they can be a bit asthematic and are also prone to colds and flu bugs. Those of you living in cold climates should take adequate protection against the cold (keep your head, hands and neck covered). Those living in warmer climes should take special care of personal hygiene. Most of you are less than average in height, with large or small hands, big feet or little feet there are generaly no in betweens. You have a tendency to put on weight, unless you make special efforts to fight it off. A double chin is common among Pisceans and a good number among you have large eyes and a wide mouth. Ankles and feet are the vulnerable areas of Pisceans. Some also suffer from liver and digestive afflictions and varicose veins. Painting, listening to music, reading and dance can help calm your nerves. Swimming is a good form of exercise as well as relaxation for you. Pisceans are often good at martial arts as they have the necessary inner strength, try some Tai Chi first thing in the morning to put life in perspective for the rest of the day.

Pisces Luck

Warm colours like red, yellow and orange are lucky for Pisces. Your lucky stone is amethyst, whereas Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday are favorable days. Wednesday and Friday do not prove to be good for people under this zodiac sign. Neptune is your ruler and your element is water (WATER Water people are never petty. They are clever and plan well ahead. But they often tend to be timid. The element Water is represented by blue or black. Water shapes include gentle undulations like waves in a river. A water house has numerous bays, and like the ebb and flow of water, experiences regular change in fortunes)

Pisces Teens

The best shoulder to cry on -- that's the Pisces girl for you. Compassion and sympathy are the hallmarks of this girl and don't be surprised if she ends up in the profession of social welfare. Since much of her time will be taken up relieving others' worries, she will hardly find time to pamper her personal self. Comfortable in second-hand clothes, she'll be happy in whatever makes her feel comfortable. The Pisces lass has a dreamy disposition and loses track when she wanders. She is invariably late for appointments. The best institution suited for her will be, preferably, a small liberal arts college. Always willing to help a friend, the inner beauty of a Pisces lady lies in her creativity and powers of empathy. Kind and compassionate, a Piscean lad generally goes out of his way to help others. He never intentionally hurt others and seeks to avoid confrontation at all costs. He spends much of his time in the cocoon of his private dream world. He is absent minded at times. He sees the world through rose tinted glasses, he walks around with his head in the clouds. He is generally a loner and often has to be drawn into the company of friends. By and large, he is very selective about his friends. He often lacks in determination and this may account for his not realising his potential. He is an impressionable person who could get into wrong company that might have potentially disastrous consequences. If he can be motivated to work hard, there is very little he cannot achieve.