sometimes i just wondered whether i should blog this...i really dunno how to go about saying...................
im just sadddd...sadddd....hurt at the same time..to why some things are like this? perhaps i couldn't take that feeling anymore...it started when i got pressurized from the team and etc...not just the team as a whole itself. but also by the people around me...each day ppl are giving me pressure and im trying to improve and change to suit the environment constantly, yet i can only s l o w l y adapt to the changes that i am supposed to keep up with. Im trying to live to my fullest each day, i wanna see my own smiles and happiness everyday, and leading happy-go-lucky life, and im learning to take stress under control....much better now den how i used to be during my sec sch days...but rite now, im starting to get tired and bored about training...thinking about the games after the drills...suddenly i found my enthu spirits were lost somewhere ever since i realised how much the team mates expected of me...im trying to give my best when i can, but when i couldn't, i just can't control...i tried my best to improve every mistakes i made, BUTTT i still made the SAME mistakes...pershaps i must really admit my application problem is SLOW. this is what i always know. everything has to do with my 'blurness' too ya? yah!!! everything!!! i started to hate the word 'blur', and yah, im born this way...i have tried to improve it, yet still as not good as perfect...and im not a perfect person...not even near perfect....so there goes my self-discipline...my discipline to tell myself not to be blur? or whatever? well, drop this topic of 'blurness', i knew all along that Im changing as time goes by...ever since i come to RP and facing so many problems. Things started to become learning experience for me...and making me grow up and face the reality.
There are things in which i guess i can't handle much, like emotional stuffs..im a total freak! i guess nobody understand why i reacted that way last night...maybe i held on too much, and im a personality of unpredictable. People can't predict my temper and as well as my reactions to certain things that I faced. While im having problems with life in this way, i also have problems academically where im trying my very best to handle the stress in class right now, though not as much, but somehow im just doing extra for my own concepts....well...that wasn't much of a problem, but facing life with the environment like that was worse den what i expected......one of the smallest setback can create such an impact on me?? well...im surprised myself too...was i like that all along then? if not, den why do i reacted that way? i wanna noe why too........im too tired to say rite now alr..........tired..........tired..........downfall of everything....
*staying happy-go-lucky
*freedom
*get into a Uni
*PR
*good paying job
*a new hair-do/image
*changes of contents in my wardrobe
*new sets of shoes/cosmetics
*perfumes
*skin care products
*being a teacher/engineering assist/SUCCESSFUL career woman
*independence
*CAR LISENSE
`25 `02 `1986
`
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