dat night was like dat peaceful//

Today is:

Monday, September 25, 2006 @ 9/25/2006 10:42:00 PM

im boredddddddddddddddd~~~~~~~~~~

have been watching shows...have been playing games until butt's feeling ache. supposed to be guiding my nephews to study, but they were watching TV first...so gotta wait a while before they come to settle down to study....sighs..sianz-ed...

talking about myself...irritated with myself at times..so lazy..freaking no discipline...stupid gal...etc...lol. =p

feeling so dumb....

i wonder..i wonder...i think..i think...

what's with me..?

LOL. im crazy. lose my sense le.

signing off...

// the peaceful night sky

- leave me alone.. i want some peace.. -

Today is:

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 @ 9/20/2006 11:29:00 PM

Don't know what to do

felt like writing in the blog...what should i do now? first day of school tml...volleyball training after school...friday school too...and how about tml? what should i do better? go or not go? feel like being there for him yet im stucked in between volleyball training, teaching and etc...fan si le...mei yong de wo...zhen de mei yong...missed training and sentosa trip on tuesday for his sake le, and im willing to do so without minding....but shall i miss another training tml? im in deep shit this time...but if i miss tml, den i must be home early to teach..so cant be there...what the hell...im sooo 'fan'..
but lucky thing is that my bro in law is leaving for Indonesia again on friday...i sounded so bad....yet i do miss his presence somehow...

already was lousy in the principle of being a good and caring gf, and now time for me to show extra concern...im as lost as being crazy...I wondered as a gf, whether it was okie for him if i weren't there everyday.....Were the first few days enough and alright to do so? I hope it helped...but the next few days...im feeling guilty towards it...a feeling that i could no longer make it...Im willing to make sacrifices to be there for him...but sacrifices for this period really has limitations due to certain circumstances at home..and other stuffs to do...before this happening, my plan was to accompany him everyday and miss my 2 trainings etc...but i have no power to do so....thus, i feel so useless and hopeless....i just wondered whether he still need me to be by his side right now even he said he don't mind..? it may be a 口是心非 thing. Or should i say would he mind and angry? 我不知道我为什么那么在乎他所生气的事。。我为什么那么在意呢？？ what's wrong with me? 是不是因为知道他的情况？可能是吧。。。 and i think more than meets the eye...

最后呢。。。我很想表示我很对不起你。。。什么都帮不上忙。。。可是我还是很爱你。。越来越深。。。所以我会感觉到很抱歉。。。

// the peaceful night sky

- leave me alone.. i want some peace.. -

Today is:

Tuesday, September 19, 2006 @ 9/19/2006 12:52:00 AM

Lost

Dear...

"can i do something for you? i really want you feel better this period...i know it couldn't be that easy to make someone feel better.... im clear on how you are supposed to be feeling now...it is inevitable...i will make things for you easier de okie? i promise not to make you angry..irritated and feeling worst okie? no matter what I will always wanna stand with you and make you feel better. i lacked the skills of consolences, just hope that my presence is enough to allow you go through this period...hope just being able to listen helps too...haiz...with all these, i just feel like any other ordinary friends giving concern...but i hope i could be more than just that...and do more than just that.."

I feel the tiredness in him..how i wish i could share his burden..to lighten his load...it seems so heavy....

behind those smiles he wears, i see sadness in his eyes.

behind those sadness, i see the effort in trying to smile.

behind those effort, i see the difficulties in doing so.

behind those difficulties, i see the strengths.

behind those strenths, tiredness befolds itself.

please dear...

life has to go on..no one controls destiny...hold urself up again...please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. I am always here for you....love you loads. :)

// the peaceful night sky

- leave me alone.. i want some peace.. -

Today is:

Sunday, September 17, 2006 @ 9/17/2006 12:48:00 AM

conclusion:

Think about it again..so much of my thoughts. now i realised i shouldn't be thinking it on my own. I broke my thoughts out to him and just to realise how much he tried to understand me...I really appreciates such thoughts and doings...I was afraid to say, yet i wanna say..hoping it would turn out right. and just as lucky that my words weren't taken as ridiculousness. thank goodness! hehe...I dared not bring it out initially was for fearing he might get furious at such a trival matter like that...simply to put it as..why am i being such a spike when things aren't right for him...mum comes first...initially i gave up telling on about this matter for fearing that it would add on more stress for him.
happy ending~ lol. i appreciate so much about what he assured me...and hope it goes on being sweet like this. hehe...glad that i poured it out, otherwise i would still be wondering and thinking about it...and bothering me. thanks dear. :)

```i love you.

// the peaceful night sky

- leave me alone.. i want some peace.. -

Today is:

Friday, September 15, 2006 @ 9/15/2006 05:56:00 PM

feeling really weird :(

i dont know what the hell is happening to me these days. feeling awkward. \: aimlessly thinking of things. yet no conclusion for myself. it seems so boring..be it in anything..when not meeting up with bf, was thinking of 'jio-ing' ppl to chill with me..but think about it again..do i have the money to spend for fun? not working currently. no job. out of cash. what the hell..all i can do is saving up bit by, using a little if possible...i bet if i have lotsa money now, i would go and shop till i drop ah. haha...

there's definitely things bothering me now..volleyball stuff. some emotional stuff. and relationship..in a way? haiz..i dunno whether im being sensitive or what. but definitely my instinct is very strong to feel so. somehow i feel he feels the same way too. but perhaps neither of us mention anything...it seems so boring on certain days...felt rather distant. maybe im expecting too much in return...perhaps i think he's stress on things in his side. and i felt damn helpless to do anything for him..hope everything will go fine..hope that everything is as sweet as before...trying to understand the situations yet i felt out of the way. overall, i dunno what i have been feeling. thus, i don't want to talk about it to anybody.anyway, it's just a part of my feeling that's all..my main concern is that, is relationship sooner or later turning out of the honey moon period? i just pray that it's just something not true, maybe i think too much. just forget it. right here...haa~

when i love so much, i expect so much.
when i expect so much, im greedy and selfish
but when i want to understand, i let my expectation lose.
losing my expectation makes me look at love insignificantly.
so what is love? how shall i understand what it can do?
how do i do both at the same time? either one lesser or more.

no no..my expectation is still the same.
but it seems i dun see the same expectation.
is this being too sensitive?
is this what a gal wants?
for me, i would jolly well be contented with the same care and concerns from the beginning.
i dun want changes.
i dun mind changing for the better.
but not the worst.

for now i rather not think too far for i might fall into too high hope.

be happy with the way it is now, for what you have.
but only afraid to see it worsen, resulting in more disappointment.
the more disappointment i may have, the more i would be seen as being a changed person.
as in why am i being such an unreasonable brat?

sighsssssss.........................i give up having high hope. these are too minor stuff to be notice by guys. it may seem ridiculous for them...or i might be seen as seeking the slightest attention.( isn't want all gals want?) lol. or even, i might be seen as looking for trouble...

well..just forget it. :)

// the peaceful night sky

- leave me alone.. i want some peace.. -

Today is:

Thursday, September 14, 2006 @ 9/14/2006 03:51:00 PM

Updates again after a soooo freaking long time
let me see...glancing thru my previous entries really remind me of my past. how i managed to grow till today. another change in me again. haha..the sudden urge to blog again ever since this year's New Year. What the hell right? lol. So typical fickle minded me. haha...finally back to write during this period...after 1st of jan, and now it's 14th of september. oh gosh. super theeerrr...for fun, for boredom, for english improvement, for reflection, for easing pain, for sharing joy, for reliefs. well..whatever it is i love writing, er..to a certain extent.

this time round, im making it kinda personalised, creating a password for it. giving it to whom i desire.
alrights, im outta here...

`i believe i do grow matured` lol

// the peaceful night sky

- leave me alone.. i want some peace.. -

dat life X

*^*p h l o y

Republic Polytechnic
25`02`86
phloy_phan@hotmail.com
in my pisces world
i love volleyball
__PHLOY'S XANGA BLOG__

dat wish X

*staying happy-go-lucky
*freedom
*get into a Uni
*PR
*good paying job
*a new hair-do/image
*changes of contents in my wardrobe
*new sets of shoes/cosmetics
*perfumes
*skin care products
*being a teacher/engineering assist/SUCCESSFUL career woman
*independence
*CAR LISENSE

dat dates X

~~`25 `02 `1986~~
`

dat exits X

dat chats X

_____m e mo r i e s*
x June 2004
x July 2004
x August 2004
x September 2004
x October 2004
x November 2004
x December 2004
x January 2005
x February 2005
x March 2005
x April 2005
x May 2005
x June 2005
x July 2005
x August 2005
x November 2005
x December 2005
x January 2006
x September 2006
x October 2006
x November 2006
x May 2007
x July 2007

dat HUGS X

You are Sneakers!

You're an active girl, who's all about function You dress for the occasion - comfort comes first Your perfect guy? Someone who can keep up with you. You'll find him - but you might have to slow down to see him!

What Kind Of Women's Shoe Are You?

FEBRUARY attitude!

FEBRUARY

Abstract thoughts
Loves reality and abstract
Intelligent and clever
Changing personality
Temperamental
Quiet, shy and humble
Low self esteem
Honest and loyal
Determined to reach goals
Loves freedom
Rebellious when restricted
Loves aggressiveness
Too sensitive and easily hurt
Showing anger easily
Dislike unnecessary things
Loves making friends but rarely shows it
Daring and stubborn
Ambitious
Realizing dreams and hopes
Sharp
Loves entertainment and leisure
Romantic on the inside not outside
Superstitious and ludicrous
Spendthrift
Learns to show emotions

Phanthipha, your true color is Green!

You're green, the color of growth and vigor. Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth color in the spectrum — reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your color!

Phanthipha, your passion is Bashful Blush!

Yours is a passion driven from the inside — not the outside. Some may misinterpret that to mean you're more timid than others when it comes to love, school, and life in general. But really, we suspect it's just that you focus more on driving toward your goals than announcing them to the world. While some people have to stand at a podium to stake their territorial claims — on guys, teams, or the honor roll — you're more likely to take a less direct route. (After all, it's easier to make your point when you're not caught like a deer in the spotlight.) A level-headed discussion with someone close to your issue, if not the person directly, is more your style — whether feeling out if your crush is already taken or asking your parents for a much-deserved raise in allowance. Your careful approach usually pans out better than creating a dramatic scene before a gawking audience. Sure, you go after what you want in life. But your style has never been to grab the bull by the horns. The patience you've cultivated has no doubt helped you become who you are today — a devoted friend, daughter, girlfriend, or student. So keep at it — picking your private battles. Then stand back to watch your bashful blush work its passionate magic!

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?

Phanthipha, you're a Steady Supporter Stand by your man — that's just something you naturally do. Once you've committed to a relationship, you are a constant companion who enjoys the comfort and stability that comes from being a couple. Not quick to judge, accuse, or think the worst, you have a lot of trust (in him and in yourself), and you rarely worry about where he is or who he's with. For you, mutual respect is of utmost importance. You are comfortable and confident in your own skin, making you a great pillar of strength in all your relationships. Whether he's striving to climb a mountain or land a promotion, you have his back. Best part is, you know he's got yours too.

Career Interest Inventory

Phanthipha, based on your responses, your top career area is Education and Training
Careers in this field often demand that you have an idealistic mindset. Whether it's teaching new information, skills, or behavior, you need to have a zeal for interacting with others and being in charge. Most likely it's important for you to know that your patience and communication skills can have a lasting impact on the lives of others.

What Does Your Style Says About You?

Phanthipha, your style says you're Sporty and Fun No matter which team you get a kick out of the most — soccer, softball, track, basketball, or cheerleading — you've got a love for games and staying active. Clothes and fashion are important to you, but for a team player like you, it's about more than just looks. You want to be comfortable and prepared for anything that might come your way. Whether you're more of an athlete or a fan, you like what sports can do for people — overcome challenges, learn something new, push themselves. Your cool style says that you're always up for a new game. And that'll always score you points!

Which Emoticon Are You?

Phanthipha, the emoticon that represents you best is the Smiling Face What's up, smiley? Somehow you just always seem to find a way to turn that frown upside down. Your upbeat attitude and friendly demeanor brighten up any room, including your favorite chat room. Like your classic emoticon counterpart, you're a staple on anyone's list. Boring days and sleepless nights are far more bearable when you're online to chat. Whether you're shooting the breeze, catching up, or giving out advice, you can cheer up anyone on the other side of the conversation. So keep lightening the mood, making new friends, and bringing smiles to other folks' faces. After all, it's just so natural for you!

What Kind of Cool Are You?

Phanthipha, you're Calm, Cool, and Collected Do your friends like to lean on your shoulder? Ask you for advice in life and love? Put you on speed-dial for emergencies? We bet they do. You're as balanced as they come. When it comes to making decisions, you're not afraid to take the time to weigh your options carefully in order to make the right choice. And it takes more than a few obstacles to rattle your cool head. The good news is that you've also got lots of heart, and you make sure that people know that you always have their backs. There's almost nothing more important to you than the people in your life, so being a support to them is the coolest thing around. Just like you.

Heart-Strong Idealist

Phanthipha, you follow your heart when it comes to success You're an impassioned individual who just can't suppress your ideals. You've got a strong sense of right and wrong, and want to let people know when they've crossed the line. Sure, there are times when you sit back to hear both sides of an argument. But people had better stay out of the way when your fiery passions take hold. But just because you can be a bit of a rebel with a cause, it doesn't mean you're incapable of being understanding and compassionate. It's because you're so invested in your ideas and interests that you can work so tirelessly toward your goals and speak up for what you believe in. So keep pouring your heart into it. With conviction like yours, you're sure to succeed!

What Breed of Dog are You?

Phanthipha, you're a Chihuahua! No bones about it, you're an energetic, devoted Chihuahua. For your breed, size definitely doesn't matter. After all, sometimes the best things (diamonds, car keys, Godiva truffles) come in small packages. Honest and straightforward, you're never afraid to speak up for what you believe in, especially if it's a cause near and dear to your heart. Having such a passionate personality can come with a few drawbacks, though. You can be moody at times, and people often find it hard to live up to your high standards. But once you make a friend, it's for life. Saucy and intense, your energy and unfailing loyalty make you a great companion. Woof!

Are You a Natural Leader?

Congratulations, you're a real leader! Your leadership skills are quite strong, so don't be afraid to step up to the plate when problems need solving — you'll do great. You've got a solid combination of positive leadership traits — from organizational skills to communication ability. These talents make you a great resource in the workplace, someone people can look to for guidance and direction. Still, there are a few things you might need to work on. To brush up on the different components of leadership, check out your scores below:

You Gender Identity

Phanthipha, you're 59% masculine
This is based on how you scored on a variety of traits that, founded on classic research and our own studies, are typically associated with men. You're also 41% feminine, which is based on how you scored on traits that are typically associated with women. When we compare your results with other women it shows that you are somewhat more masculine than other women. But what is gender identity exactly? A person's gender identity is defined by the extent to which they see themselves as masculine or feminine. Every person possesses both masculine and feminine qualities to some degree, however the extent to which each person has these qualities differs widely. While you were taking the test, we calculated your scores in 6 areas typically defined as masculine and 6 areas typically defined as feminine.

Who's the man of your dreams?

Phanthipha, The Boy Next Door is the man of your dreams The guy next door can be a lot more than the kid who played a great game of tag and buried you in snowballs. He can be the man of your dreams. A laidback and fun girl like you doesn't need a glass slipper or fancy jewels — you just want a guy who knows how to have a good time and has a handle on what's important. You're the kind of girl who wants to marry her best friend, so you might not have to look far for the perfect guy for you. Whoever said you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince wasn't talking about you. Tag — you're it!

Class IQ test

Congratulations, Phanthipha!
Your IQ score is 129
This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others. Your Intellectual Type is Visual Mathematician. This means you are gifted at spotting patterns — both in pictures and in numbers. These talents combined with your overall high intelligence make you good at understanding the big picture, which is why people trust your instincts and turn to you for direction — especially in the workplace. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.

What hairstyle matches you?

Phanthipha, your hairstyle should be Flirty From cute curls to a fun flip, your hairstyle should show off the fact that you know how to strike the perfect balance between sassy and sweet. With your charisma and outgoing personality, you're sure to light up any room. From parties to workdays to lazy Sundays, your style always radiates your fun-loving charm. With your natural knack for wooing and your willingness to go out on a limb for what you want, it's no surprise that your style is sure to shine. So whether your hairstyle is lusciously long or coifed into the perfect pixie, we bet you turn heads wherever you go. Way to wow them!

What gets you whipped?

Phanthipha, you're whipped because he's Sweet Nice guys finish last? Not a chance if they meet a sweetie like you. There's not a thing in the world you wouldn't do for loved ones, and you wanna make sure you find a guy who's got his priorities straight too. Whether he's a bull-rider or a businessman, he'd better have a big heart. When you fall, you fall hard. And it's the little things that matter like when he opens the door for you, cooks you dinner, or leaves sweet notes in your pocket. Brains and brawn are fine and dandy, but he won't win your heart if he isn't in touch with his sensitive side. Awwww, how sweet!

What Type Are You?

You are a Hopeless romantic
Do you swoon when a guy recites poetry to you? Go ga-ga over a bouquet of hand-picked wildflowers? Then there's no doubt about it — you're a textbook Hopeless Romantic. Chances are you love soft music, candlelight, and long walks on the beach at sunset. Crying at sappy movies (your favorite kind) is a given — a box of tissues is a must — and you've have had your wedding planned since grade school. You're looking for a deep relationship — a soulmate. Traditional and sympathetic, guys love that they can open up to you and talk to you about their feelings, their past, and their hopes for the future. How can a suitor win your heart? By romancing you. Sending you flowers, surprising you with a picnic lunch, or going for a horse-drawn carriage ride. Before you know it, you'll be creating a life-long love story.

Pisces Personality

Like its symbol of two fish swimming in opposite directions, Pisceans are always torn between choices whether to seek the light or sink into the darkness. Being well liked for their kind and sympathetic nature, their charm of manner and carefree nature will impress many. You are compassionate, and unless pushed to the wall, will rarely hurt anyone. A Piscean can be very caustic but the sarcasm is not always direct and generally goes unnoticed. However, this can land you in a spot every once in a while. You find it difficult to conform and follow rules or to cope with discipline. When the going gets really rough, the Piscean may try to flee down river and hide amongst the vast schools of fish swimming lazily around. The very weak-willed among you are likely to indulge in alcohol and drugs to escape. Alternatively, you might be able to pour out your emotions in creative arts. You put your emotions in poetry or short verse but seldom open up to those around you on a personal basis. Although you might be impractical and somewhat uneasy with the real world, you are brave and prefer a lot of independence. Pisceans like to delve in spiritual matters and lots of you are fascinated by the occult. Maybe because many fish are psychic or their dreams can be strange and portential. Remember one thing: you are the culmination of all that has gone before, whilst Aries is the birth of the zodiac, Pisces the twelfth sign is death and eternity, you are the distillation of all the other signs.

Pisces Lover

In the world of romance, you crave fairytales, being more in love with the idea of love than being in love itself. Though you are strongly attracted to good looks, your attention will completely fizzle out if your partner is not intelligent; you may just simply lose interest once you have been able to "secure" the object of your desire. For some, the pursuit is sometimes more fun than the end result. Those born under Scorpio, Cancer, and Pisces make ideal partners for Pisces. Pisceans can be unnecessarily suspicious and jealous, and this might cause a lot of heartache. Although you will expect a perfect marriage, your unpredictable moods will be the reason for some tension at times. The most important ingredient you bring to a relationship is love. You are gentle, sensitive, and a romantic through and through, valuing fidelity in a marriage and will be kind and affectionate to your spouse and children. Though you let your partner take on a dominant role in public, you like to rule at home. As you long for love, it is essential that you establish a loving relationship with your family.

Pisces Professional

Pisceans will do well in performing arts, especially the theatre. In science, Pisceans tend to work in the fields of either physics or medicine. They will also do well in ocean-based occupations or working with animals. Pisceans normally have talents that will get them money and fame. The streak of independence in you rarely allows you to be dependent on others. You will be ready to help the needy, having no consideration for a rainy day, even if you are not sure that it will be returned. You hate to chase money owed, hoping that it will be returned voluntarily. You are often distracted when bored, which tends to affect your work adversely. You need to be focused and inspired to give your best.

Pisces Traveller

You love water and would head straight for some beach resort. Perhaps scuba diving and water skiing on holiday is your dream holiday; though splashing around on the beach is your idea of fun too. You are generally very emotional and romantic so would love to holiday with your partner.

Pisces Well Being

Pisces people have slow metabolisms, which is why they wake up sleepy eyed and listless, poor eating habits can bring troubles so try to set regimes and stick to them, Pisceans lungs are not strong, they can be a bit asthematic and are also prone to colds and flu bugs. Those of you living in cold climates should take adequate protection against the cold (keep your head, hands and neck covered). Those living in warmer climes should take special care of personal hygiene. Most of you are less than average in height, with large or small hands, big feet or little feet there are generaly no in betweens. You have a tendency to put on weight, unless you make special efforts to fight it off. A double chin is common among Pisceans and a good number among you have large eyes and a wide mouth. Ankles and feet are the vulnerable areas of Pisceans. Some also suffer from liver and digestive afflictions and varicose veins. Painting, listening to music, reading and dance can help calm your nerves. Swimming is a good form of exercise as well as relaxation for you. Pisceans are often good at martial arts as they have the necessary inner strength, try some Tai Chi first thing in the morning to put life in perspective for the rest of the day.

Pisces Luck

Warm colours like red, yellow and orange are lucky for Pisces. Your lucky stone is amethyst, whereas Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday are favorable days. Wednesday and Friday do not prove to be good for people under this zodiac sign. Neptune is your ruler and your element is water (WATER Water people are never petty. They are clever and plan well ahead. But they often tend to be timid. The element Water is represented by blue or black. Water shapes include gentle undulations like waves in a river. A water house has numerous bays, and like the ebb and flow of water, experiences regular change in fortunes)

Pisces Teens

The best shoulder to cry on -- that's the Pisces girl for you. Compassion and sympathy are the hallmarks of this girl and don't be surprised if she ends up in the profession of social welfare. Since much of her time will be taken up relieving others' worries, she will hardly find time to pamper her personal self. Comfortable in second-hand clothes, she'll be happy in whatever makes her feel comfortable. The Pisces lass has a dreamy disposition and loses track when she wanders. She is invariably late for appointments. The best institution suited for her will be, preferably, a small liberal arts college. Always willing to help a friend, the inner beauty of a Pisces lady lies in her creativity and powers of empathy. Kind and compassionate, a Piscean lad generally goes out of his way to help others. He never intentionally hurt others and seeks to avoid confrontation at all costs. He spends much of his time in the cocoon of his private dream world. He is absent minded at times. He sees the world through rose tinted glasses, he walks around with his head in the clouds. He is generally a loner and often has to be drawn into the company of friends. By and large, he is very selective about his friends. He often lacks in determination and this may account for his not realising his potential. He is an impressionable person who could get into wrong company that might have potentially disastrous consequences. If he can be motivated to work hard, there is very little he cannot achieve.