feeling really weird :(
i dont know what the hell is happening to me these days. feeling awkward. \: aimlessly thinking of things. yet no conclusion for myself. it seems so boring..be it in anything..when not meeting up with bf, was thinking of 'jio-ing' ppl to chill with me..but think about it again..do i have the money to spend for fun? not working currently. no job. out of cash. what the hell..all i can do is saving up bit by, using a little if possible...i bet if i have lotsa money now, i would go and shop till i drop ah. haha...
there's definitely things bothering me now..volleyball stuff. some emotional stuff. and relationship..in a way? haiz..i dunno whether im being sensitive or what. but definitely my instinct is very strong to feel so. somehow i feel he feels the same way too. but perhaps neither of us mention anything...it seems so boring on certain days...felt rather distant. maybe im expecting too much in return...perhaps i think he's stress on things in his side. and i felt damn helpless to do anything for him..hope everything will go fine..hope that everything is as sweet as before...trying to understand the situations yet i felt out of the way. overall, i dunno what i have been feeling. thus, i don't want to talk about it to anybody.anyway, it's just a part of my feeling that's all..my main concern is that, is relationship sooner or later turning out of the honey moon period? i just pray that it's just something not true, maybe i think too much. just forget it. right here...haa~
when i love so much, i expect so much.
when i expect so much, im greedy and selfish
but when i want to understand, i let my expectation lose.
losing my expectation makes me look at love insignificantly.
so what is love? how shall i understand what it can do?
how do i do both at the same time? either one lesser or more.
no no..my expectation is still the same.
but it seems i dun see the same expectation.
is this being too sensitive?
is this what a gal wants?
for me, i would jolly well be contented with the same care and concerns from the beginning.
i dun want changes.
i dun mind changing for the better.
but not the worst.
for now i rather not think too far for i might fall into too high hope.
be happy with the way it is now, for what you have.
but only afraid to see it worsen, resulting in more disappointment.
the more disappointment i may have, the more i would be seen as being a changed person.
as in why am i being such an unreasonable brat?
sighsssssss.........................i give up having high hope. these are too minor stuff to be notice by guys. it may seem ridiculous for them...or i might be seen as seeking the slightest attention.( isn't want all gals want?) lol. or even, i might be seen as looking for trouble...
well..just forget it. :)
*staying happy-go-lucky
*freedom
*get into a Uni
*PR
*good paying job
*a new hair-do/image
*changes of contents in my wardrobe
*new sets of shoes/cosmetics
*perfumes
*skin care products
*being a teacher/engineering assist/SUCCESSFUL career woman
*independence
*CAR LISENSE
`25 `02 `1986
`
RP Volleyballers
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Shiwen |
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hongchuan|
kokmun mama |
wenjin papa |
xiao eeling |
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nemo |
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xiuhan |
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